they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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