I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
