I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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