I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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