She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize