Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We are all done wearing pants today
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
