I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
