She's JV to your varsity
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
