you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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