He had one of those small greek statue penises
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
