I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
