Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
