They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
