what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Small penises have feelings too.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Are we still banned from the library?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
