How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
