and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm at about main and main street
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
