His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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