I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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