i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
