Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
