She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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