I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
