i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
