In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
