Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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