Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
