I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
