my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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