You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
