the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
