you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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