dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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