Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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