Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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