wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
