When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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