So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
