I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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