now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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