Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
