the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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