I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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