I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
