Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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