Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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