i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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