Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
