I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
