He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
