I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
