My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
