oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
