Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
