just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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