My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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