I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize