seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
