what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
