Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
