Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
