You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
