What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
