Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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