it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
