I murdered the dance floor call the cops
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
