i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
