I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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