ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize