He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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