Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
