Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
