omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
