I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
