I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
