Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
