Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Randomize
