I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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